As most readers of this newsletter are aware, many adoption-related support groups have gone out of existence in the past few years. Many other types of support groups have also either ceased to exist or are much smaller than in the past.

This does not mean that all persons with adoption connections have already searched, found, or are not interested in searching. It does not mean that everyone who has relinquished a child, adopted a child, or has been adopted, is either deceased or does not want to search, or has no further need for any support. People outside of the adoption-related world may still not be aware of the need for search and/or reunion, or may assume that anyone can find anyone else quickly on the Internet, and that such a search will satisfy all their needs. Conversely, many still believe that all adoption records are still closed and search is illegal, and perhaps unwise. None of that is true, of course.

Whle it is true that many states have changed their laws to allow at least adoptees to obtain copies of their original birth certificates, by no means have all states opened their records, and even fewer allow access to birth parents or adoptive parents. Access to original birth certificates may help an adopted person to find birth family, if birth mother’s and birth father’s correct names (at the time of birth) are listed on that document, and if neither has changed their last or given names. Very few would still be at the address listed on the original birth certificate. Some birth mothers felt pressured to use a false name, and many birth fathers were not listed at all, for various reasons. For birth parents who search, though, that original birth certificate will not tell them the relinquished offspring’s current name, and so is not of much help. This is where a trained and experienced searcher, or intermediary, can be of help, not only to aid in finding the person who is sought, but in helping approach that person in a way most likely to elicit a positive response. While this is often done on the Internet, it may also involve contact by telephone or in writing. Some searchers are connected with in-person or Internet support groups, and some are not. An individual who wants to search may not know how to proceed in the best way. An in-person group can help by sharing members’ knowledge and experience.

There are, of course, online support groups, which can be found by searching on the Internet, and many of them have been helpful to lots of people. However, they cannot offer smiles, tears of understanding, tissues for tears, or hugs. When COVID-19 came along, many other types of personal contact became difficult or even impossible. Some have survived and become revitalized, but some have not. Even friends, families, and churches have struggled to stay alive or to reconnect. Many are content, to some extent, to continue with only online connections, but many are finding that to be less satisfying or helpful.

Attendance at many support groups was already lower than in the past, even before the pandemic. Younger people have not been inclined to prioritize in-person contact or commitment to organizations in general. Some have not developed social skills as a result, and are afraid to reach out to others. Some have become extremely self-absorbed. However, numerous studies have shown that lack of in-person contact can lead to depression, loneliness, and lack of commitment to anyone or anything. Society suffers when people are not connected or concerned with each other. Even such everyday experiences as going into a store to purchase items or look for them help people maintain positive contact with others, and connection with reality and even hope.

For people with adoption connections, in-person contact with other members of those groups, can make a big difference in each other’s emotional well-being. Years ago, when psychologist and researcher B.F. Skinner did experiments with infants and parents, advocating children be raised in so-called Skinner Boxes—devices that provided for their physical needs but allowed little physical contact—the results were sometimes disastrous. Human beings—whether infants, children, or adults—need human contact. Most dog owners would say that they and their dogs need physical and verbal interactions. A dog is not content with telephone calls, and cannot read letters—although some have learned to press particular buttons to obtain predictable results. If your dog wants eye contact and physical contact, so do humans.

Perhaps the pandemic has taught us that personal, face-to-face contact, can be a joy and a privilege. For support groups of all sorts, there may be a need to find new ways of making our existence known. For some it might mean a hybrid way of meeting, to include same who attend online, while others attend in person. For many older persons, that might be real challenge, and not all settings can accommodate online or hybrid ways of meeting. Most potential group members want to be assured of some privacy and confidentiality.

Operation Identity still exists, and we hope it will continue to do so. We need active members—both new and existing—to keep going. We hope readers will begin to attend meetings, just as we hope new people will attend, share their situations, and accept our support.